I was sitting at my computer reading an article on webmd about codependent relationships and thinking that it was an accurate description of me and my tendency to rescue and "fix" people. The article made me think about my dysfunctional childhood, the pain that it caused and how that played a role in the way I feel about myself and in my choice of coping mechanisms - food.
After a few moments of reflection, I started to feel some emotional discomfort. Not soon after, I felt the urge to reach for the dry roasted peanuts with sea salt sitting next to my desk. I decided not to numb myself with food and instead opted to sit with my pain for a moment. It burned like acid reflux in my chest.
I soon lost my focus though when I read an email from The Boyfriend responding to my declaration that we are two codependent people in a relationship together and how me coming to his rescue all the time and trying to fix him wasn't the healthiest of scenarios. For either of us.*
He wrote, "But what if that's just what I need? Are you planning on not being there for me because you think it's something you shouldn't do?"
I sat there in stunned silence for a moment. I hadn't expected to experience such opposition. And I certainly didn't anticipate The Boyfriend setting the stage to accuse me of "not being there" for him. I guess I should have known better though. You can't attempt to change the dynamics of a relationship without experiencing at least some resistance.
This whole recovery thing is going to be a lot harder than I thought.
* Okay, maybe that wasn't the smartest way to announce that revelation.
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2 comments:
Well, it's interesting that he was thinking of himself more than trying to understand what you were saying. Talk about needy!
I'm a fixer, too, and had a mixed good and bad childhood. We fixers experience a lot of frustrations, huh?
In The Boyfriend's defense, after I had published my post, he apologized for overreacting and admitted that his reaction was rooted in his fear of abandonment.
Yes, coffeypot, being a fixer can be very frustrating. I've learned though that all of us are in need of fixing to some degree. Some of us just take a little more elbow grease than others.
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