My first tag!

Thank you, Old Lady, for tagging me! My very first tag. A momentous occasion.

1. A book that has changed your life. The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. This book told me a lot about myself -- why I feel the things I feel and do the things I do. It effected me at the very core of my being and I haven't been the same since.
2. A book you have read more than once. The answer to this is going to say a lot about my personality. I tend to read cookbooks like novels, anxiously turning the pages as if they were suspenseful thrillers. Grab any cookbook from my shelves and you will have picked a book that I have read countless times.
3. A book you would want on a desert island. Emotionally, I would not handle being on a desert island very well. I would need my Bible to help me remain calm and to keep me from hanging myself from a banana tree or from slitting my wrists with a coconut.
4. A book that made you laugh. The first book that comes to mind is Naked by David Sedaris. I remember sitting in my car in a McDonald's parking lot eating a quarter-pounder with cheese while reading the first few chapters. I laughed until there were tears streaming down my face. My goodness, that book was funny. Just this past Monday, I purchased tickets to hear David Sedaris speak in my city. I can't wait!
5. A book that made you cry. I don't cry very easily. It is rare for me to become that emotional during a movie or while reading a book. But if I did possess the ability to weep at the drop of a hat, I would have cried while reading Anne Sebold's Lucky, a memoir recounting her rape experience.
6. A book you wish you had written. Every fluffy chick lit novel that has ever been made into a multi-million dollar movie. Then I would be typing this post from my mansion in LA while filming an episode of MTV's Cribs instead of hacking away in a tiny guest bedroom/office in some podunk southern city.
7. A book you wish had never been written. The editor of our newspaper gets a lot of books in the mail in hopes that he would review them. Since our editor never reads books (go figure, an editor that never reads!), he usually passes them along to us. One of those books was What They Want by Omar Tyree. Forgive me for criticizing a brother trying to find his little piece of the American dream but that book was horrible.
8. A book you are currently reading. It's actually a book that I've read already, Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs. I am rereading it in an attempt to satiate my hunger while waiting for his most recent book, Possible Side Effects, to make it to paperback.
9. A book you have been meaning to read. For two summers I have wanted to read Nabakov's Lolita. Two summers have now passed and I still have not read it. At the beginning of the summer, a blog commenter, Steve, suggested I read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I haven't read that yet either. The 1,000 plus pages are scaring me.
10. Now tag 5 people: Kissyface, CreativeSoul2005, Two Write Hands, Broken, Angel, Dre, and PlainJane. I know, that's 7 people.

Thank you, Lawdy!

After months of torture, my boss finally switched his radio from country music to a light rock station.

Blessed be the Lord! He doth answereth prayer.

Dayumn, Blogthings is good!

You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

The Birth Order Predictor

Everybody's a comedian

You Should Be a Joke Writer

You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation. Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life... You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material. You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Not just a B but a B+

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

This is such an accurate portrayal of my personality it's scary.

An independent woman's guide to replacing your car headlight

1. When you turn on the car engine and notice one of your headlights is out, curse.
2. Reminisce about the last time you attempted to change the bulb on your car headlight and recall what a pain in the ass it was because you had no idea what you were doing. Curse some more.
3. Concoct a way to dupe one of your male co-workers into changing it for you.
4. Go to your local auto supply store and tell the woman at the counter (who is obviously just the check out girl) that you need a new bulb for your headlight.
5. When she asks if it's the low beam or the high beam that's out, stare at her like she's speaking a foreign language.
6. When your silence causes her to go with the low beam option, wait for her to consult with one of the male employees because she's a woman like you and you assume she has no clue, just like you.
7. When she fails to confer with her male co-workers but proceeds to go get your bulb for you like she knows what the hell it is she's doing, which you're certain she doesn't, stifle your laughter.
8. When she promptly returns with bulb in hand, resist the urge to ask, "Are you sure this is the right bulb? Maybe you should double check this with him."
9. When the check-out girl asks for $8.95 for the bulb, think about how much money you're saving by doing it yourself. Well, you're not actually doing it yourself, you're gonna get someone else to do it for you but you get the point.
10. Walk into your office and announce that you had to purchase a new bulb for your headlight. Wonder out loud how on earth you're ever going to replace it all by yourself. Place back of hand on forehead for effect.
11. When your boss volunteers to do it for you, say "YES! I mean, would you? I would be so grateful!"
12. Watch from your air-conditioned office as your boss changes the bulb on your headlight in 95 degree heat.
13. When the bulb is installed and working properly, pat yourself on the back for being a liberated woman who is fully capable of taking care of herself.

Independent woman, my ass! Part II

All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honey's who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the momma's who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladys who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me

chorus to Independent Woman by Destiny's Child

Sorry, Beyonce', I've turned in my independent woman card so I won't be throwing my hands up anymore. It's no great loss really. I'm sure you were looking for women who are actually independent instead of women who merely put up a facade of independence. I don't blame you. I wouldn't want me representing independent women either. Especially considering I gave up my last notion of being a self-reliant woman today when I discovered that one of the headlights on my car had gone out. Consistent with my true, unevolved self, I immediately started plotting ways to charm my male co-workers into changing the headlight for me. A low cut blouse was strongly considered.

I'm certain such tactics violate the ethical standards that have been set for independent woman everywhere. Independent women do not use their sexuality to get men to do their bidding and they handle their own minor auto repairs.

These are not the only standards in which I fail to measure up. From my observations, women who are self-sufficient are not afraid to go in their attics to change the filter on their air conditioner. Real independent women don't retch at the idea of disposing of a dead mouse. Truly liberated women scale ladders to clean their own gutters or change their own light bulbs.

I do none of these things. And I really don't want to, which is why I am forfeiting my membership. I don't want to have to deal with these little mundane tasks anymore. That's what men are for. If I were married, I'd be perfectly happy to simply putter around the kitchen wearing pearls and taffeta while my husband, Ward Cleaver, takes care of all those manly household chores. If I have to give that up, then you can have my independent woman card.