The Life of the Unemployed, Day 54: My First Disappointment

Soon after applying for unemployment, I found out about a government program that offers educational funds to displaced or low-wage earning workers. These funds allow the poor and unemployed to finish their degree or upgrade their skills so they may find better paying jobs. One of the many requirements that must be fulfilled in order to receive this funding is attending a career workshop given by the local unemployment office.

I didn't expect any earth shattering revelations as a result of the workshop. I only went because I wanted someone else to pay for the PowerPoint and accounting classes I wanted to take and. . .they were giving away $50 to everyone who stayed after the workshop and took a career readiness exam. So I was surprised when I discovered something that may very well shape my career from here on out.

During the workshop, we did a True Colors personality assessment. The instructor handed out 4 cards - blue, gold, green, and orange. On the back of each card was a list of personality traits associated with each color. We were asked to pick out our two dominant colors based on the list of traits. Mine were gold and blue. Golds and blues have the following characteristics:

Blues are idealists. They motivate and inspire other people to get the job done, usually in a peaceful manner.They're the ones that can find peace when others are out of control. Blues must feel their work is important. Blues are sincere, sensitive, loyal and people-oriented. Famous blues include Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi.

Golds are guardians. They're very task-oriented.They want to get the job done because that's the goal. Golds like rules, policies and procedures. Golds respond to duty and loyalty. They're responsible and keep organizations going. Famous golds include Colin Powell.

Finding out I was a gold was not a surprise. Golds are administrators and I've been administrating in some form or fashion for the past 17 years. What I wasn't aware of was my strong blue tendencies. What struck me most about the blue personality type is that they are service-oriented people who have to find meaning in what they do. This means working toward the greater good of humanity. Blues are usually social workers, counselors, teachers, clergy, etc.

This revelation was the reason I was excited when my yoga teacher told me about an administrative assistant opening at a non-profit organization that provides services to people who have been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS. At first, I didn't realize why I was so happy to be applying for this job, but then I remembered the results of my personality assessment and it all made sense. Finally, a job where I get to combine my gold AND my blue! It sounded too good to be true.

And it was.

A month after filling out the application and submitting my resume, I discovered that the position had been filled. This after being told by my yoga teacher, who I later found out was chairman of the board, that I would at least get an interview. As it turned out, I didn't even get that.

A woman with 17 years of administrative experience can't even get a stinkin' interview?

The only explanation I can come up with is they hired someone from within, someone already familiar with the organization and its programs.

Or maybe I'm thinking too highly of myself and creating excuses to sooth a bruised ego.

In any event, I guess I shouldn't really be too upset about it. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. And obviously that job was not what the Universe has planned for me.

I think the message in all of this is that I need to continue to pursue careers that require both blue and gold personality traits, careers that are focused on a cause higher than myself. It's no longer enough for me to work hard and line the pockets of investors. I need to work for a more noble cause. I need to feel that what I do matters, that my job has a positive impact on people's lives, that it makes the world a better place.

I Am Not Perfect

I'm having a bad day.

Actually, I've been having a bad last few days.

It all started when I was invited to a cookout on Saturday. I had thought I would enjoy a dinner of veggie burgers (because my friends are vegetarians), chips and a moderate sampling of the kick-ass brownies I made. A splurge but nothing too crazy. But when I got there, I discovered that, although it was indeed a cookout in the sense that they cooked outside, the menu consisted of fried fish, french fries, hushpuppies, carbs, carbs and more carbs. Of course, I haven't had any of that stuff in over 6 months so I indulged in a moderate fashion. Only thing is, everyone else around me was overindulging, eating whatever they wanted without the least bit of concern for their blood sugars. Or their waistlines. I was envious. They were particularly gaga over my brownies. They were inhaling them because they were just that damn good! I wanted to join in but I couldn't. All I could do was watch longingly, wishing for the days before I was diagnosed.

Adding to my frustration was the fact that I had to make chocolate chip banana nut muffins for church on Sunday. I didn't even taste the muffins because I had indulged so the day before. In retrospect, I wished I had because since then I've been overindulging in peanuts (among other things) obsessive compulsively trying to satisfy that feeling of deprivation and wrecking havoc on my blood sugar in the process (at least I think I've been wrecking havoc. I'm too scared to find out.)

Since I've been diagnosed, I've made incredible progress. I've probably lost over40 pounds. As a result, none of my clothes fit anymore. Before this latest episode, my blood sugar was near normal levels. I've been eating right (for the most part) and exercising regularly. I've been told that I've been an inspiration and an example to many. For that reason, I feel a pressure sometimes to not disappoint people and to continually put up this image that I always have things under control. But let me just confess right now, that although I've done well, incredibly well, I'm not perfect. I falter from time to time. Sometimes, it ain't pretty. But I think the key to achieving long-term success in battling this disease, is the ability to pick myself up, dust myself off and get going again. I hope to start doing that today.