I Am Not Perfect

I'm having a bad day.

Actually, I've been having a bad last few days.

It all started when I was invited to a cookout on Saturday. I had thought I would enjoy a dinner of veggie burgers (because my friends are vegetarians), chips and a moderate sampling of the kick-ass brownies I made. A splurge but nothing too crazy. But when I got there, I discovered that, although it was indeed a cookout in the sense that they cooked outside, the menu consisted of fried fish, french fries, hushpuppies, carbs, carbs and more carbs. Of course, I haven't had any of that stuff in over 6 months so I indulged in a moderate fashion. Only thing is, everyone else around me was overindulging, eating whatever they wanted without the least bit of concern for their blood sugars. Or their waistlines. I was envious. They were particularly gaga over my brownies. They were inhaling them because they were just that damn good! I wanted to join in but I couldn't. All I could do was watch longingly, wishing for the days before I was diagnosed.

Adding to my frustration was the fact that I had to make chocolate chip banana nut muffins for church on Sunday. I didn't even taste the muffins because I had indulged so the day before. In retrospect, I wished I had because since then I've been overindulging in peanuts (among other things) obsessive compulsively trying to satisfy that feeling of deprivation and wrecking havoc on my blood sugar in the process (at least I think I've been wrecking havoc. I'm too scared to find out.)

Since I've been diagnosed, I've made incredible progress. I've probably lost over40 pounds. As a result, none of my clothes fit anymore. Before this latest episode, my blood sugar was near normal levels. I've been eating right (for the most part) and exercising regularly. I've been told that I've been an inspiration and an example to many. For that reason, I feel a pressure sometimes to not disappoint people and to continually put up this image that I always have things under control. But let me just confess right now, that although I've done well, incredibly well, I'm not perfect. I falter from time to time. Sometimes, it ain't pretty. But I think the key to achieving long-term success in battling this disease, is the ability to pick myself up, dust myself off and get going again. I hope to start doing that today.