I think I'm gonna hurl.

For dinner today, I had a cheeseburger from McDonald's, a small order of fires, and a small strawberry shake. This little gastronomic splurge would not have been so bad if not for the mammoth amount of food I inhaled earlier in the day.

For starters, this morning I had tuna salad and cheesecake for breakfast. Yes, I said cheesecake. And tuna salad. Oh, and my tuna salad was eaten with a side order of cheddar cheese flavored Toasted Ritz Chips. I don't normally eat fish for breakfast, but I was trying to stay on top of my leftovers. And the cheesecake. . .well, if you've started off a meal by eating strange food items you might as well end it with something equally as strange.

For lunch, I ventured over to Moe's Southwest Grill and ordered the Billy Barou (whoever the hell he is) nachos to go. After eating every single nacho chip that came in my container, (and when there were no more nachos to be had, licking my fingers,) I drove to the local convenience store and purchased a small bag of plain M&Ms. I was gonna get the king size bag, but I didn't have enough money in my change purse to cover the exorbitant convenience store prices and the sales tax. So I settled on a size that normal people would eat instead of a size more suited for animals that moo, saving myself half the calories. (Of course that calorie savings lost its meaning when I scarfed down the cheeseburger, fries and shake for dinner, but that's beside the point.)

Now, I feel like I'm about to throw up. Adding to my discomfort is my strained relationship with dairy products. Milkshakes and I, in particular, have never gotten along too well. Oh, I love them well enough, but they have never been all that enamored with me. Consequently, in addition to feeling nauseous, I also have air coming out of both ends of my body.

I don't know why I torture myself like this. I am normally a big eater (with the curves to prove it,) but I try to keep days like today to a minimum. Every so often I'll go through a phase where I'm eating anything that's not nailed down, but that usually only happens around my period. Seeing as how I am nearly two weeks away from starting my period, I can't blame it on PMS. Or can I? Maybe there exists a yet to be medically discovered syndrome called pre-PMS, a condition that might be aptly described as "the heavy eating that comes before the heavy eating."

Things I Learned on my Summer Vacation

• As a woman, I have no idea what it means to pack light. I only took one suitcase for my week long trip to see The Boyfriend, but it was so jammed packed that I damn near dislocated my shoulder trying to lift that thing into the trunk of my car. I'd say that next time I won't pack so much shit, but we all know I'd be lying.
• Renting a car is like being a kid in a candy store. Only better. When did renting cars at airport rental facilities get to be so fun? Used to be, when you made your rental car reservation, you were stuck with whatever car the company decided to give you. Now, they tell you to go out on the lot and pick whatever car you want in your rental category (compact, mid-size, luxury etc.) The keys are already in the vehicle and the doors are unlocked. I thought I had died and gone to rental car Heaven!
• Chicagoans are the most discourteous drivers I have ever encountered. There must be a law in Illinois that says "If a driver in another lane turns on her blinker, indicating an intent to go from one lane to another, then you must speed up so that she is unable to get over in a timely manner. If she flips you off, ignore her."
• The Boyfriend's sleeping habits are worse than originally thought. Not only does The Boyfriend steal sheets and hog more than his share of the bed, but he even rolls over on me as if I am a very lumpy extension of the mattress. If this keeps up, we'll be sleeping in separate beds a la Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz.
• Beware of what you eat. Who knew that a dinner consisting of an Italian beef sandwich, onion rings and a strawberry shake could cause you to fart uncontrollably while you sleep?
• Be what your loved ones need you to be when they need you to be it. On my last day in Chicago, I got a call call from my good friend and former roommate, Julie. Julie's mom was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and has been given 6 months to live. Mama Lucy, as I affectionately call her, has been ready to "go home and be with the Lord" for years now, but her daughter is entertaining no such prospect. At least not yet. Since the doctor's have given her no hope, the only thing Julie has to hold on to is her belief that God is capable of restoring her mother's health. Julie called me, because she needed a "woman of faith" (I refrained from looking over my shoulder as she said those words) to stand with her and to pray for her mother's healing. So right there on the phone, I prayed for my friend. I asked God to bless her and her family with His peace and comfort, and I prayed for her mom's complete healing. And I will continue to pray that for as long as necessary, being that woman of faith (however ill-fitting the title may be) until Julie needs me to be something else.

Off to the Windy City!

See ya' in about a week!!!

High Maintenance

The Boyfriend surprised me one night when he said I was high maintenance. Well, he didn't so much as declare I was high maintenance as he failed to disagree when I joked that I was such a handful he didn't have time for other women. Because I've always thought of myself as pretty easy to please, I was taken aback when he responded with a "Yeah, that's true." Like any high maintenance woman worth her salt, I pressed The Boyfriend for more information. He explained that, while I don't demand attention, I have my ways of letting him know when I'm feeling neglected. A certain voice inflection here, a passing comment there, and I'm getting the message across that Mama's not happy.

I am aware of this little personality quirk of mine, and I must say this is not something I do on purpose to manipulate The Boyfriend into doing my bidding; but rather, I am merely expressing my feelings at the time, reacting in the moment. For instance, if The Boyfriend has to end a phone conversation early because he's tired or has to study, then there might be a slight disappointed tone in my voice, because. . .well. . .I'm disappointed, and I've never been adept at hiding my emotions. I realize this may cause The Boyfriend to feel guilty about taking time away from us, and it may put an extra burden on him to try and please me, but that is not my intention at all.

So should I try to do a better job of hiding my feelings in order to limit the amount of pressure The Boyfriend feels? Maybe. I can see how being a big girl and sucking it up can benefit the relationship by helping The Boyfriend to not feel any worse than he already does when he has to cancel or cut short a phone date, especially in situations that are beyond his control, like when work or school obligations arise. At the same time, I don't want to continually stuff my feelings inside. That can't be healthy either. Can it?