Taking the day off

I decided to take today and tomorrow off from work to get some much needed rest. I need the break. Normally, when I take a day off, I am either going out of town or preparing the house for out of town guests. I rarely get the chance to simply rest on my day off. I'm taking that chance now.

I thought I might be full of enough energy to spend the day puttering around my kitchen making wonderful culinary concoctions. I had planned to wake up this morning and fix myself a huge breakfast of cheesy eggs, bacon, homemade hashbrowns and toast. Instead I threw a few slices of bacon in the microwave and made waffles from leftover batter I had in the fridge. A lazy cook's breakfast.

I'm not expecting the rest of the day to be much better. I just don't have the energy that I thought I would. I am out of clean plates so turning on the dishwasher is a strong possibility. Outside of that, I don't imagine I will get much else done.

The weather is not helping either. There is a winter storm advisory in effect right now for my little corner of The Bible Belt, which means, if past history is any indication, the temperature is going to stay just above freezing and it will rain all day. The air is cold and damp and all I feel like doing is curling up under my fluffy comforter and watching cooking shows. If I'm not going to actually do any fancy cooking, the least I can do is watch it on television.

Not feeling like myself

Sorry about the lack of posting guys, but I have not been feeling well lately. My sleep patterns are all jacked up. I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. I missed taking my iron pills for a week when my prescription ran out (I was diagnosed with anemia recently) and I have yet to fully recover. And the birth control pills my gynecologist put me on to lighten my menstrual flow have been wreaking havoc on my body.

I said all of that to say that I have not been feeling like myself for a couple of weeks now. My body is all out of whack. I'm hoping that soon my nocturnal schedule will return to normal, my iron levels will rise to their proper levels, and my body will adjust to the new hormones. Then, I should be back to my old tricks.

Overheard at the deli:

Young girl sitting in the booth behind me: I told her, 'Who do you think you are, bitch? That's our fucking president and you show him some fucking respect!'

Yeessss!

Mammogram turned out normal.

I guess white splotches are just that, white splotches.

Mammogram

I had my annual breast smushing yesterday and the girls are still a bit tender.

I say I do this annually but, in all honesty, I am 40 years old and this was only my second time to be held prisoner by a boobie torture device. I consider myself lucky.

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if the machine didn't seem to malfunction at the very thought of x-raying my enormous mammaries. Every time the technician clamped her evil toy around my breast and then pushed the button to start the imaging process, the machine would immediately release me, as if to say, Oh, hell no! This procedure was repeated again and again until, finally, the disobedient hunk of metal was beaten into submission and told to operate properly or else. By this time, the girls were dying for relief. Normally, they like to be manhandled, but even these rough-and-tumble broads have their limit.

After the torture session was over, the technician checked the x-rays to make sure my breasts were visible in each one. Now, I am not a medical professional, but all of the pictures looked clear to me except for one (or maybe two, I'm not sure.) There seemed to be a white splotch on one picture. But when she put the images of my other breast on the x-ray film viewer, I thought I saw a white splotch on that one too. Or maybe that was the same picture from earlier. I don't know. I guess I'll find out in 2-3 weeks how many more months I have to live.

In the meantime, I'll be wrapping my breasts in cotton.