The Wedding

In my last post, I mentioned my fears of total wedding disaster. Those fears were so gripping that whenever the thought of wedding planning even grazed my mind, anxiety would well up and I would immediately push those thoughts as far away from my consciousness as I could get them. That’s works pretty well when you’re 12 months out, but as the wedding date inches closer, denial starts to seem less and less like an effective coping strategy.

After spending the past couple of days giving space to all of the feelings I had surrounding the wedding, I actually began to feel courageous enough to tackle the details of my wedding ceremony in the same way that I attack every obstacle in my life – with obsessive compulsive planning.

On Sunday night, I was up till 1:00 am trying to come up with ways to personalize our wedding ceremony and I think I’ve found some good ideas. The one that I’m most excited about is a reading I found by Robert Fulghum (author of All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten) called “Union”:

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will”- those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed- well, I meant it all, every word.” Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife.

Isn’t that beautiful?

I’d like to find another reading to do as well. Something contemporary, funny and entertaining that speaks a spiritual truth without being preachy. I don’t know what that reading will be (maybe a passage from a book or a magazine article?) but I’m gonna keep looking until I find it.

Also, I think I’ve solved our music problem for the ceremony. My church is into Taize music and I’ve become a fan as well. I think this song (or one like it) would be perfect to have someone sing during communion.



In addition, I’ve decided that I want our families to come up and share communion with us and then offer up prayers of blessing. I’m also looking for a responsive reading that they can recite to offer their commitment to help us have a successful marriage. If The Fiancé and I are going to be together for a lifetime, then we need their love, support and wise counsel.

I have a ton more ideas but let me just leave you with this one: I found a version of Pachelbel ‘s Cannon in D that I’d love to use for the processional. It’s contemporary in feel but still has all the elements that make this such a great piece.