The Life of the Unemployed, Day 3: Stressing

I am stressing today. As a result I am stress eating, nothing too major but more than my blood sugar should probably have to handle. I need to learn how to deal with the anxiety of this time without compromising my health. I want to come out on the other side of this better off - financially, spiritually, and physically - but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all.

God, where do I start?

I would like to move to Chicago, at least for a little while, to look for a job. But my mom doesn’t seem excited about this option whenever I bring it up. She hasn’t come out verbally against it but I can tell more by what she doesn’t say than by what she says. And this is the same woman who said she would like The Boyfriend and I to spend some time in the same city getting to know each other. How does she expect that to happen without one of us moving to be with the other?

Maybe she envisions The Boyfriend being the one to make the move. But, to be honest, that is not an option. The Boyfriend has tuition reimbursement benefits at his current job. He just finished up his two-year degree in English. If he were to leave his job now, he would have to pay all of that money back, something he cannot afford to do.

And then there’s the issue of living arrangements. Unless I find a really great paying job, I cannot afford to live in Chicago on my own. The Boyfriend and I would have to live together. My mother has clearly stated that she thinks this is wrong. Yet, she doesn’t want us to get married unless we’ve lived in the same city. But the odds of finding a job that would afford me the luxury of having my own place is not good, especially in this economy. Making my situation even more complicated is the fact that my uncle would probably not financially support me while I looked for another job if The Boyfriend and I were cohabitating without the benefit of marriage.

Of course, The Boyfriend and I can always get married to appease the family but I am starting to resent having to bend so far backwards to gain their approval.

The house is another issue, but I’ve about decided that when I move to Chicago for good I’m going to try and sell the house for whatever I can get and pray I don’t end up owing money in the end.

To make matters worse, all of these problems are bound together with cords of doubt and uncertainty. I want to spend some time in Chicago looking for another job but I am unsure if that’s the road the Universe would have me take, if it’s the direction that will eventually lead me to the promised land where my life will be more prosperous than before. I just don’t know.