How's that for a title? Sounds rather hippie-dippy, doesn't it?
The book is indeed a bit on the hippie side, but that was what attracted me in the first place. The traditional methods for resolving my food issues were not resonating with me. I needed something else. I don't really have the words to express why Buddhist meditation and myths and storytelling feel like a better fit to me than Overeater's Anonymous but they are.
The only troubling thing is that I'm beginning to realize that this journey toward a healthier relationship with food is not going to be a short one nor will it take place on a linear path. I'm learning the road to healing is like a long hike on a winding road with many twists and turns and circular paths. Hell, I may even pass the same damn tree 10 times before I move on to another part of the journey.
This would be a good thing if not for my work's recent weight loss challenge. As a result of the challenge, which I won by the way, I am in the exercise-and-healthy-eating zone. I'm on a mission to fit back into the clothes I bought when I first started my job 8 months ago. And I'm almost there. But this sort of intense focus may be detrimental to my overall healing process.
In the book Eating in the Light of the Moon, the focus is on finding the purpose that food serves in our lives, and on finding the emotional and/or spiritual void we're trying to fill. I must admit that I haven't even begun to untangle the knotted mess that is my food addiction or to discover the emotional hole into which it's stuffed.
The author, Anita Johnston, PhD. writes:
When we are engaged in addictive eating, that is the time to look for what the real hunger is because that is the moment in which it gets presented to us in its symbolic form. By simply eliminating certain foods or striving to restrict out behavior, we deprive ourselves of opportunities to learn of the true meanings behind these symbols.
Last night, as I was reading Mindful Eating, I came across this passage:
[Binge eaters] may be aware that their goal is to go unconscious, to briefly forget painful emotions, fear, loneliness, and the feeling that they are failing. Sometimes we eat to go unconscious and sometimes we go unconscious while eating. Both can point to hidden habit patterns involving food. . .The point of mindful eating is not to forbid ourselves to ever use food in this way. The point is that by eating with mindfulness we can become aware of the seductive power of the call to go unconscious. As we become aware, we are creating a larger frame around what is happening in our body-mind complex. This larger space gives us flexibility, the freedom to live life on purpose. With each conscious choice, whether we ultimately choose a Ding Dong or a protein shake, a great degree of sanity enters our life.
I take all this to mean that the healthy actions I'm engaged in now are great and are sure to produce positive results, but the real progress, the real self-awareness that paves the way to healing will occur during those times when I'm not feeling quite so disciplined or focused. That's when the journey will start to slow down a bit because the road has become less linear and has developed more bends and turns.
Do I have the endurance to hang in there for the long haul?
Stay tuned.
2 comments:
There is no straight and narrow road to accomplish a hard task. What it takes is persistence. Stay on the trail and move one step at a time. One more step, one foot in front of the other. Then one day you will look up and you will be there. Some people look at slip ups as a setback. I prefer to think of it as backing up so you can take a running start to get back on track. Just stick with it, hon.
to answer your question, yes.
absolutely, without a doubt, yes.
i miss you, my friend.
Post a Comment