The battle between me and food is getting more difficult, more intense. I have trouble dealing with my feelings of deprivation which causes me to want to inhale my entire pantry to satisfy some warped part of me. Only I never feel fully satiated despite my relentless efforts to eat my way to emotional well-being. My blood sugar is the casualty in all of this. How long can it continue to take hits before turning on me?
In happier news, I have lost a remarkable amount of weight, 65lbs total. I've bought new clothes, cute clothes, in styles and sizes I haven't seen in years. I suppose that could be a motivation of sorts.
Wednesday, I'm leaving for a 10-day stay in Chicago to do some job hunting and to spend some time with The Boyfriend. I was just there a week and a half ago so it's a real treat to be with my beloved again so soon.
On my last visit, I made the mistake of thinking out loud concerning my ideas on redecorating and rearranging the furniture once, you know, we get married and I move in for good. My recommendations? To put his coffee table (and maybe an end table) in storage to reduce some of the clutter and create more space in his tiny living room. He was so resistant that you would have thought I'd suggested we haul all his stuff off and chop it up to use for kindling while I moved in my stuff. I, of course, suggested nothing of the sort but, to him, it felt like I did.
This whole marriage thing, it's about making room for one another, right? Not just emotionally but physically as well. Yeah, we're still working on that.
13 comments:
And I know it's not funny, but it is so ... funny. Of course getting married is about physical co-habitation as well as emotional. We just don't always know that. Your man (like a lot of us men) has gotten stuck in his rut and now has to get unstuck. I like that you put it to humor, because really it's not much more than just something to chuckle about.
Now, how does your man like your 65-poundsless body? I'm taking for granted that he already loves you, but for us dudes, the physical package is always a thrilling bonus as long as you're going to go ahead and lose stuff, and reduce stuff, and dress up in things you say are cute again (tho I bet you dressed up cute already).
And on the food front, I really do feel for ya. I've failed in my attempts to diet for the last , what has it been now? Six months? A year? The weight you're losing, I'm gaining. My relationship with food goes back before I even knew what PEOPLE were. Changing how I eat is asking me to change the most primal relationship I've ever had.
But I don't want to do die, and clearly I could. Death happens to the megarich, the famous, and the well-loved. If they can die, I can die. And I don't want to.
So I have to change the primal relationship with food. Period. It doesn't even matter how I feel about it. It just is. *shrug*
What's a food addict to do?
Just have a great trip to the "Shy", knock them employment doors down, and elbow your way into the physical space that your man has been hoarding to himself for decades. He'll get used to it. Especially if you do it in Victoria's Secret linguerie. ;-)
I think the remark The Boyfriend made as he met me at Union Station on my last visit was, "I didn't know if that was my fiance or Beyonce."
He gets an A for effort.
I hope the food battle you're fighting isn't being done alone. You should seek support if you really feel that helpless sometimes. I don't know if Overeaters Anonymous is something you want to look into, but I was briefly part of that group, and it felt good to be surrounded by folks who knew exactly what I was dealing with. But food is something you have to fight with the support of others, and I know it's tough to be vulnerable like that, but you're not alone. Good luck.
Do I have to stand up and say, "My name is Grizzbabe and I'm an overeater"? Because that's kind of humiliating.
But you're probably right. I do need a support group of some kind.
65 pounds? damn, youre my (s)hero and my inspiration.
my friend is doing weight watchers, and its helped her.
i started personal training on saturday, and while its expensive, i think im going to keep him around until at least the end of the year.
when i work out, i can limit my food intake because i dont want to put more in that ill have to eventually take out.
its a never ending cycle.
You t5hink you got it rough?
Man, I stopped smokin' cigarretes, no dope, no booze, no Yum-yum, all I got left is food and like you, they want to make me eat right too!
Man, i got nuthin left!
hi Grizzbabe! 65 pounds? Thats terrific! if i was to lose 65 ponds I'd be back in the Yum-Yum.
Yeah, I stood up and said I'm an overeater, but instead of making me feel alone and isolated, it made me feel welcome when everyone, and I do mean everyone, said hi to me. I don't get a lot of hi on a daily basis. It was different. There are plenty of online groups as well, I'm sure.
I was going to suggest a support group, too. Look in the neighborhood papers and the yellow pages for a group and give it a shot. Start your own group kind of like the AA, only call it HSMFSMM (Help Stop Me From Stuffing My Mouth.)
A support group is a great idea... and congrats on the 65 pounds.
A friend moved her fiance's stuff (that she wanted to get rid of) into another part of the house. After some time, and after he didn't use it again, she sent it to Goodwill or hauled it off to the dump. He never even realized it was gone.
Congratulations on losing 65 lbs,
Grizzbabe, and good luck in Chicago! You surely are dealing with a lot. My parents are diabetics, so I've read quite a bit about it. Would you believe stress can be a factor? Everything will fall into place -- one step at a time! xo
p.s. hahaha! You're going to cross stitch, "A happy wife is a happy life?!" Ain't it the truth though?
;)
It is difficult and becomes more so as you grow older together but most of the time you can work it out. Congrats on your weight loss! You must be doing something right with your diet and meds! I really hope you get a job in Chicago soon!
My THOUGHTS are, where the hell are you, Grizz?
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