The Boyfriend and I have been discussing how we are going to manage our finances once we've jumped the broom. We've come to the conclusion (or maybe I came to the conclusion) that we are going to keep our finances separate. Kind of like roommates. We'll split household expenses 50-50. When rent is due, we'll write two separate checks from two separate bank accounts and hand them to our landlord, which, at the moment, would be his aunt. Utilities will be handled the same way as well as the phone, satellite and Internet bills.
I think this will help ease the transition into the whole marriage and money thing. Besides, I'm not ready to give up my independence yet. I'm not quite ready for the challenges that putting all of our money into one pot will bring. I know at some point merging our finances together will make practical sense but, for now, I'm willing to be slightly impractical for the sake of the relationship. And my own peace of mind.
The Boyfriend's preferred method of handling the finances would be to maintain separate bank accounts but to also have a joint account for those expenses we share. I'm not really crazy about this idea mainly because it makes me feel like I'm giving up too much control. (Silly, I know, but it's the way I feel.) Plus, I read somewhere that if you don't want to be liable for your spouse's debt (and The Boyfriend and I both have considerable debt) you have to: 1. stay married to them, and 2. keep your finances completely separate.
To be honest, what I'd really like to do is not be bothered with finances at all. I'm horrible with money and thinking about it gives me a headache. I would love to handover over my financial future to a husband who would manage our money like a business. In my ideal world, after seeking my insight, my spouse would develop a plan to reach our financial goals and then take the necessary steps to ensure that we meet those goals. The only problem is I'm not marrying one of those men. I'm marrying a man who appears to be, judging from his debts, as bad a financial manager as I am and I don't trust him with my money yet.
I'd rather take a wait-and-see approach. I'll spend a year watching The Boyfriend handle his own financial affairs. If it seems safe to do so, I would be willing to have a joint account for shared expenses only. If that goes okay, I may be up for pooling all of our money together into one account. If having one account becomes a source of too much dissension, we'll go back to doing what keeps the relationship healthy.
Does this sound like a plan or a recipe for disaster? What do you guys think is the best way for newlyweds to handle money?
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9 comments:
ive always imagined keeping separate accounts but setting up a joint account for household expenses, including cell phone bills.
ive always wanted to pay for the debts i accrued and not have him share it, too.
i think in this day and age, we must protect our interests and be mindful when we enter into a legal and binding contract such as marriage.
i can speak to this...
the first year of my marriage, we kept separate accounts. i wanted my independence too, but she sill found out when I spent 400 dollars on a new motor for my boat.
Then one week, she bounced checks and two weeks later I bounced cecks and we discovere that if we had had one account, we would not have bounced any checks.
So we got just one account.
I still got in trouble when she found out I bought a Depth-Finder for my boat.
And I bounced a check while doing it!
Combine your accounts Grizzbabe, make a budget for the two of you and be sure to go over expenditures w/o any "Secret" purchases.
A few years down the road, wwe split accounts again and it wasa real disaster.
Rodger and I kept things separate for a while first, too. Then joined accounts. In my particular situation, I wish we had kept things separate for the duration. But that's just how things happened for us.
I think you're smart to take this approach and decide if it's best for both of you to join finances later.
Marriage is about trust. Combine accounts, make a budget (a workable one, a flexible one, that if it doesn't work out, don't trash the whole budget, just the parts that don't work).
Buy books on the subject.
I know it's hard giving up your independence (and for The Boyfriend, too), but put into the budget mad money for you and for him. (Clothes and shoes are seperate--those are needed items, not mad money items).
Consult a lawyer friend about the debts accurred before marriage.
Good luck!! T
The smart thing to do would be for both of you to hand over your paychecks to me. I'll handled everything for you. I can be trusted. Can, too! Can!
If you two agree on the plan, where you're going to come together after a year, then go for it. Comfort's and safety are important--as long as you both agree.
Hi Grizzbabe! From my own experience, I wish my ex and I had separate accounts. No matter how well intentioned spouses want to be, they're not necessarily so. Bulletholes is right. There's always the temptation to sneak something in behind the other's back, and you'll both distrust one another. Your plan sounds prudent if you're both agreeable. The worst that can happen is you'll find out what does or doesn't work without distrust nagging you!
Btw, Grizzbabe, congratulations, and much luck and happiness to you both! Petra :))
Hi Angela, I found you when you commented on mine. As a lawyer`s wife, I can give you the same advice as Anonymous did - about your old debts go see a lawyer, and maybe you should also make a marriage agreement on other financial things. I once knew a divorced lady who had to pay for her husband`s (secret) million DM debts... But I do think a lot should also go with trust. And Mr. Bulletholes should perhaps not have ASKED but at least TOLD his wife about his extra spendings, shouldn`t he??
No, I got caught!
My advice is to never let him out of your sight.
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