Stranded

A friend was telling me about a TV show called "Stranded" where B-list celebrities discuss who, among set choices, they would prefer to be stranded on an island with. Riveting television, I know, but the show succeeded in one respect, it got me thinking about who I would want to be on an island with. I came up with a list of choices. I tried to stay away from selections that tempted me to focus solely on sex appeal and opted for some unusual pairings.


Pee Wee Herman or Gilbert Gottfried

I find both of these men very annoying and I suspect they each have no skill whatsoever that could be used to get us off the island, which presents quite a dilemma for me. Since I would end up killing whichever comedian I ended up with, I am going with the one who doesn't give me the creeps.
Advantage: Gottfried


Bill Clinton or George W. Bush

I thought my choice here would be based on whom I respected more but since both gentleman have, in my opinion, dishonored the presidency in different ways, I had to come up with a different criterion. Skill, as a determining factor, was out because both of these men have the usefulness of a gnat. Bill would spend all of his time seducing the young island women while George would probably organize an attack against the angry natives to control all of the coconuts. I finally decided to go with the president who wields the most influence over an electorate that can pressure the federal government into a fervent search and rescue effort. Since the red states have dominated the last two elections, I'm going with their leader.
Advantage: Bush


Osama Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein

Let's see, how do I want to die? In a slow, calculated attack or in a fit of emotional rage? When death is the inevitable conclusion, does it really matter how you go?
Advantage: None


Princess Diana, Grace Kelly or Jackie O

All of these women were the epitome of grace and beauty but Princess Di gets my nod. She had a knack for always being perfectly coordinated regardless of the occasion. Her shoes matched her handbag, which matched her suit, which was perfectly accentuated by her jewelry. Assuming that car accident never happened, I would want her to impart her fashion secrets to me before Dodi Al-Fayed comes to rescue us.
Advantage: The Princess of Wales