Sometimes, when I describe myself as a people pleaser, I experience a twinge of shame, like I should be in a 12-step program to rid myself of this self-destructive behavior. But I have come to accept that being eager to please can have advantages as well as disadvantages. For instance, being a people pleaser helps me in my job. Because I am motivated to make people happy, I am able to provide a level of service to our clients that they may not get from someone who is less concerned about their satisfaction. Most of the time, being a people pleaser works for me, except on days like today.
My neighbor across the street rang my doorbell this evening and announced that her husband's brother is running for U.S. Congress and asked if I would mind putting a removable sticker on my car. This candidate that my neighbor wants me to endorse is the son of one of the most disliked politicians in the city. The father has anger management issues, is a womanizer and, most recently, has been indicted for accepting money in exchange for supporting legislation. I've learned not to hold the sins of the father against his offspring but what I really dislike about this candidate is that he doesn't live in this district. Hell, he doesn't even live in this state. He's an entertainment lawyer from California moving here just so he can run for office.
When my neighbor asked me to put that carpetbagger's sticker on my car, I wanted to respond by saying, "I would rather have someone saw off my right arm with a steak knife and then beat me over the head with it." What actually came out of my mouth sounded more like, "Yeah, sure." What is wrong with me?!? Why was I so concerned about hurting my neighbor's feelings that I compromised my beliefs? Couldn't I have come up with a diplomatic reason to deny her request? Or couldn't I have at least lied and told her that I don't like to put political stickers on my car? Anything to prevent me from driving around the city endorsing a political candidate I hate.
Maybe I do need to be in a 12-step program.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Hello, my name is Grizzbabe and I'm a people pleaser
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2 comments:
I've been afflicted with this curse as well. I have hardly said no to anyone in my life, and it's cost me dearly. So I feel your pain. With me, I want to be loved and appreciated by everybody as a way of validating myself, and it's a very empty feeling. I recently said no for the very first time to someone, and I told her yes at first too, so perhaps that's where you have to start as well--go tell the lady that, actually, you can't oblige her request for personal reasons. You gotta start somewhere. Good luck.
I can empathize. Here's what to do: put it on, and then at the first opportunity remove it. If it's removable, perhaps his opposition is playing dirty at the local grocery store. Next thing you know, lawn signs will go missing too. :) They'll never suspect you were a people pleaser.
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