I don't know what it is about Sundays that always sends me into a depression. I've cried almost every single Sunday for the past year. For some reason, on that day, the imperfections that permeate my life (a challenging first year of marriage, no permanent full-time job, financial struggles, etc.) gets magnified by a 1000%. The other days of the week, I guess I'm too busy/distracted to focus on how difficult my life feels.
I think part of the reason I get so depressed is because Sundays is the only day of the week I don't work and by the time the last day of the weekend rolls around I'm tired. Very tired. Only I can't rest because I have to go to church where I have responsibilities and what should be a time of spiritual rejuvenation turns into just another thing I have to do.
Lately, I've been skipping the actual church service in favor of just showing up to fulfill my role as a youth group leader. But honestly, this just intensifies the depression problem. Without the encouragement I receive from church attendance, my problems seem to get even bigger, making the bouts of depression even more unbearable.
In a move of desperation, I went to church this past Sunday. It was the first service I'd attended in months. In a weird stroke of providence (or simply coincidence; you be the judge), my pastor's sermon was based on Matthew 11:28-30 in which Jesus says:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Jesus invites the weary and the heavy-burdened to come to him for rest. But notice how the text does not promise that we'll then be free of all burdens. No, it says that we'll be given a new burden, one that is presumably much easier to labor under.
The point of the sermon was this: We will never be free of burdens or responsibilities. Life is inherently fraught with them. But what we can do is choose which burdens we take on – the heavy ones or the lighter ones.
Theologians will fight to the death over their interpretations of what Jesus considers a heavy burden and what he considers a light and easy burden. But for me, a heavy burden is a problem in which I have no control over the outcome. That pretty much describes the vast majority of my worries. In my mind, a light burden is an obligation that appeals to my higher self, like feeding the poor, going to church or being a youth group leader. Maybe even writing would fall into this category.
I plan to spend this week testing out this principle by ridding myself of the heavy burdens I carry and taking on some lighter ones. I am under no illusions that I'll be anything more than mildly successful at this but maybe that will be enough to make my Sundays seem a little less gloomy.
I think part of the reason I get so depressed is because Sundays is the only day of the week I don't work and by the time the last day of the weekend rolls around I'm tired. Very tired. Only I can't rest because I have to go to church where I have responsibilities and what should be a time of spiritual rejuvenation turns into just another thing I have to do.
Lately, I've been skipping the actual church service in favor of just showing up to fulfill my role as a youth group leader. But honestly, this just intensifies the depression problem. Without the encouragement I receive from church attendance, my problems seem to get even bigger, making the bouts of depression even more unbearable.
In a move of desperation, I went to church this past Sunday. It was the first service I'd attended in months. In a weird stroke of providence (or simply coincidence; you be the judge), my pastor's sermon was based on Matthew 11:28-30 in which Jesus says:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Jesus invites the weary and the heavy-burdened to come to him for rest. But notice how the text does not promise that we'll then be free of all burdens. No, it says that we'll be given a new burden, one that is presumably much easier to labor under.
The point of the sermon was this: We will never be free of burdens or responsibilities. Life is inherently fraught with them. But what we can do is choose which burdens we take on – the heavy ones or the lighter ones.
Theologians will fight to the death over their interpretations of what Jesus considers a heavy burden and what he considers a light and easy burden. But for me, a heavy burden is a problem in which I have no control over the outcome. That pretty much describes the vast majority of my worries. In my mind, a light burden is an obligation that appeals to my higher self, like feeding the poor, going to church or being a youth group leader. Maybe even writing would fall into this category.
I plan to spend this week testing out this principle by ridding myself of the heavy burdens I carry and taking on some lighter ones. I am under no illusions that I'll be anything more than mildly successful at this but maybe that will be enough to make my Sundays seem a little less gloomy.
2 comments:
darling!!! so glad youre back...even for one post.
i used to get depressed on sundays, too, years ago.
i think it was the fatigue of a previous week + the anxiety of an upcoming one.
but now, i love sundays...
i get to spend time w the Lord!
I've changed my program the last few months.
i used to go to 3-5 meetings a week.
I go to 1 a week now.
I was the Secretary/notestaker for my group; I chaired 2-3 meeting a week. now I don't hold a position, and I havent chaired a meeting for months.
i went for 3 years getting up ast 8 Oclock on Saturdays, and calling people in what I call my support group.
These days, I've learned to sleep in untill 10.
I've laid down my yoke for a while. I can see one day being involved with service to the group again, and renewed involvement in meetings. Jesus says his yoke is easy, and maybe that means you can take a Sunday or four, and read the paper in bed till noon, and then go to a movie and come back home and fall asleep watching Gone With The Wind, or something.
Thats what I'm doing.
And I feel pretty good, is that so wrong?
Hi Grizzbabe!
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