My Husband Masturbates In Bed And We Almost Didn't Get Married Because Of It

The most haphazardly written but most revealing post I've ever made.

Ok, this is the post I promised you some months ago. And now that life has settled down a bit, I can finally take the time to write it. But it will be one of those posts where I inhale deeply and spit out what I have to say very quickly so that my words don't carry over into the next breath. I'm not going to labor over this post like I normally do (which is a deterrent to writing for me). I'm just going to allow the words to fall off my fingers and see where it takes me. Here goes.

After a few months of living together, I decided to confront my then fiance about his night time masturbation habits. Not because I have something against masturbation (I actually find it quite hot) but because all the jostling of the bed was waking me up. Every. Single. Night. I was tired and cranky and I needed sleep.

What I initially thought was going to be a quick conversation ("Hey look, could you ease up on the wanking a bit so I can get some sleep?" "Aww, my bad. No problem.") turned into the biggest disagreement we've ever had because The Fiance ended up denying what seemed to me to be an obvious conclusion derived from the evidence.

Now, in The Fiance's defense, I had not actually seen him masturbating. I had only felt and heard things that sounded like masturbation -- the rhythmic moving of the bed, the moans, the grabbing of the headboard, the slick sound of semen being rubbed on Mr. Happy. These are all sounds with which I'm intimately familiar and, for me, they pointed to an undeniable conclusion. Except The Fiance denied that conclusion. Over and over again.

Honestly, I could care less about the masturbating itself. If you like to jack off on a daily basis then do it. What's the big deal? If you have a fetish for masturbating while your woman is laying asleep next to you, then just tell me and I'll indulge you from time-to-time. What I don't like is being lied to, repeatedly.

And it wasn't just the lying that got to me. What was also disconcerting was The Fiance seeing the emotional toll this was taking on me but still refusing to come clean. And even more disturbing was when our pre-marital counselor made me out to be a crazy woman who was reacting to the stress of wedding planning and being unemployed while The Fiance sat silently in his chair and watched. All of this made me wonder what kind of crazy, psychopath was I about to marry?

During a solo session with our premarital counselor, I was offered some sage advice: Don't base the totality of your fiance's integrity on what he does with his penis. There could be a million reasons why The Fiance masturbates and doesn't want to own up to it, and none of them have to mean that he's a pathological liar bent on destroying me.

And with that revelation, I peacefully walked down the aisle to marry my groom.

I must say that nothing has really changed. The Hubs still jostles the bed on occasion, though not as much as before, and he still denies that he's masturbating. Nothing that I've seen or heard from the other side of the bed has dissuaded me from my original conclusion. In fact, there have been some things to occur that have strengthened my opinion. So we're still living with the same set of circumstances but my perspective on them has changed, which makes for a happier marriage and a happier me.