Two seconds after I had walked through the front door of my house, I could tell The Boyfriend had been there. All day. Even if I had contracted amnesia and had forgotten that The Boyfriend had come to visit me, I would still have known that someone of the opposite sex had taken up residence in my house simply by surveying the premises. The place wasn't a mess by any means, but there were signs, man signs, that The Boyfriend had taken my advice and made himself at home.
In true bachelor fashion, my coffee table was decorated with empty soda cans and a hastily discarded candy bar wrapper. As I made my way down the hallway, I noticed that the folding doors on the laundry closet, doors that normally muffle the sounds of the washer when in a closed position, were pushed far apart causing the annoying chug of the washing machine to fill the house. In addition, the door to the dryer was standing wide open and the light inside illuminated the hallway.
I remarked to The Boyfriend that I could tell that a man had been here and offered the dryer door as proof.
"It's open so that it will be ready when my clothes are done," The Boyfriend said.
"But there is a very hard to reach light in the back of the dryer that, if it ever goes out, I'll have to call a repairman to replace it," I responded.
And so went our first argument. Only we weren't really arguing because the tone was lighthearted. Although, I can imagine a time (probably after I've closed my 1500th dryer door) when our words might carry a little more tension.
Admittedly, leaving doors open and a few cans littered about are minor infractions but they provided me with a glimpse into what life might be like when I get married. I can tell already that getting used to living with another human being is going to take a lot of work on both our parts. There are going to be many instances, like the one with the dryer, where our methods of doing things are going to clash. We'll even have to get used to our different housecleaning habits.
But if we want our future marriage to be a happy one, we have to be willing to compromise as we both search for the best way to combine our lives. Most importantly, we can't sweat the small stuff. We have to pick our battles and refrain from arguing about issues that are of no real consequence. Empty soda cans and candy wrappers are just not worth starting World War III over. Fighting energy should be saved for much more important matters. . .like dryer doors.
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7 comments:
It is going to be more that open dryer doors and soda cans. They fact two people from two different cities, backgrounds, experiences, friends and habits can live together at all amazes me. YOUR life will never be the same, nor will HIS ever be the same. It will have to be a give and take relationship for it to work. You GIVE the orders and he TAKES it in stride. Amen!
Yeah the worst...but BEST is yet to come and it's so good that you're seeing this now because if you can accept all the small things as you discover them, they'll just gradually be absorbed into your blended way of compromise.
I'd rather have a bunch of small things irritate me than have no one around to irritate me OR love me ad all my weird habits!
After living alone for years, except for Arnold, his blind friend, my dad was difficult to live with at first. The first few days are fun though, discovering all the strange habits of the other person. Enjoy it, it's rather amusing. I moved to Galveston into an apartment with two people I had never met before. It's easier when you love the person!
Nip it in the bud! Guys don't care about the same thing, their wiring is different. Friendly and gentle reminders at first. Asking politely. Do not under any circumstances do it yourself. Early in my marriage, my husband would come home for lunch and LEAVE CRUMBS ON THE COUNTER!!!!! When he came home after work I would ask him how he liked his ham sandwich. He would say how do you know I had a ham sandwich. I would tell him he left evidence.
If they are not total slobs it is not so bad. You would know after visiting his house if he is or not.
There is adjustment to living with another person, especially if you have lived by yourself a long time. Your assessment is pretty dead on. BOTH must have a good sense of humor, consideration and freedom of polite expression. Good Luck!
To quote Carly Simon,
"Well that's the way I've always heard it should be ..."
Except, don't isten to the rest of that song. She makes getting married sound like going off to a firing squad.
I totally agree with Coffeypot. It's only logical. The lives of the two change. Even if there had been a living-with situation going on, I've been told and I believe, things change when the marriage takes place.
But I also believe it's a preferable change. Yes, I do. I believe it's worth the compromises and tolerations to come.
For all the reasons people mentioned at my blog and at their own, I believe it.
People were made to be together. That's why there are people.
Yes, I believe that now.
:D
oh goodness. all of this would have driven me mad. maybe they're not worth arguing over, but i would be livid.
after being married for 7 years we had our first fight over Wallpaper. Don't EVER try to do wallpaper together!
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