I love movies. The movies I tend to gravitate towards are usually independent, edgy and controversial. It should be no surprise that I went to see Brokeback Mountain the weekend it opened. I expected to see a beautifully touching story about two cowboys who fall in love. The movie did not disappoint. What I was not prepared for were the emotions I felt afterwards.
Since seeing the movie, I had been experiencing a nagging melancholy and could not understand its source. As I sat at my desk today, it hit me. The reason I am so sad is because I fear that I will end up like the main character, Ennis Del Mar - lonely and pathetic with no one to love and no prospects of ever experiencing true love again.
As I let this realization pour over me, I start to tear up. Realizing that the office was not the place to have an emotional breakdown, I get up from my desk and head to the bathroom where I manage to choke back my tears and convince myself that my emotions are now in check. As I wash my hands, I look at my reflection in the mirror and I see Ennis Del Mar. I turn away because I can't stand to look anymore and proceed to sob uncontrollably.
Why has love chosen to pass me by? Am I destined to become a lonely, old spinster? My life sure seems to be heading that way. And I don't know how to stop it.
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